Interesting Web Articles, Etc

[katrina]

A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart.


An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of
hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack
of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. ..

An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine who would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT".
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.
"Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's
a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, " Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thang known is Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio .
" YOU SEE SERR, DA other day I wasn't Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR or
bathroom, But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already had a big tae, ka-ka or poo-poo in my pants.

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart

[vanessa manunulat]

Ito medyo corny ang pagkakasulat pero nakakatuwa ring basahin.

1. The overused shoes

When I went to Davao for Christmas vacation in `01, I found what I think was the best shoes I've ever had. It was a blue and white slip-ons with a flower on its strap. Margay ang tatak niya. Ang tagal ko na paghanap ng blue na kikay slip-ons at doon ko lang sa Gaisano Davao nahanap iyun. And I bought the shoes for 500 lang! Feeling ko pa, suwerte ako dahil last pair na iyun. And it was my size!

Sobrang natuwa ako sa kikay kong sapatos. At napakalambot niya! I wore the shoes everyday because
they would match anything... denim, slacks, capri pants, skirt, dress. Gamit ko siya in the office, at the mall, in church, even at the beach!

Dahil araw-araw ko siyang nagamit, at nasuot ko na
siya sa kung saan, it was expected na wala pang
isang taon ay sira na siya. Sabi ko, okay lang. May
Margay naman sa Robinsons saka sa Landmark, siguro
naman may ganoong style pa sila. Ngunit napuntahan
ko na lahat ng display ng Margay pero wala akong
nakitang katulad nang nabili ko sa Davao.
Nakadalawang uwi na ako sa Davao at pumupunta ako sa Gaisano, umaasang may makikita akong ganoon klaseng sapatos. Hindi na nga ako naghahangad ng eksaktong ganoon eh. Kahit na kamukha lang o
kasing-lambot lang, okay na. Kaso wala.

Iyong kikay blue Margay na slip-ons ko -- na
malambot at may naka-angat na bulaklak sa strap, na
bagay sa kahit anong damit ko -- ay sira na ngayon.
Hindi lang siya sira, nangingitim na sa dumi, at
hindi na kayang i-glue ang punit na talampakan. Pero
hindi ko pa siya maitapon-tapon. Hindi ko alam kung
bakit. Alam ko hindi ko na siya maisusuot uli, pero
may reminder naman ako na once upon a time, I had a perfect pair of shoes. Hindi ko nga lang inalagaan.

Lesson learned: Kapag nahanap mo na ang bagay o tao na sa tingin mo ay perfect na para sa iyo, ingatan at alagaan mo. Huwag mong abusuhin. Kapag nawala sila, baka wala ka nang mahahanap na kapalit. At habambuhay mo na lang iisipin na "sana, inalaagaan ko siya."


2. The "maganda siya pero masakit" shoes

May fini-fit ako noon na sapatos sa Celine. Okay
lang ang presyo. Maganda ang material. Kikay ang
ang hitsura. At kapag suot ko, nakaka-sexy ng paa. May
isang problema nga lang... masakit sa paa. Pero cutie kasi siya eh. Saka on sale. At sadyang matigas ang ulo ko. Kaya ayun, binili ko.

Sa umpisa, okay lang naman. Keri ko. Saka masakit
naman talaga sa paa ang bagong sapatos. Pero habang lumilipas ang oras, lalong sumasakit. Hindi siya meant sa pangmatagalang suot. Habang suot ko siya, parang gusto kong umiyak sa tuwing humahakbang
ako. Pagdating ko ng bahay, puro sugat at galos ang paa ko. At ilang linggo din akong may peklat sa paa
dahil sa diyaskeng sapatos na iyun.

Kapag sa umpisa pa lang, alam mo na masakit na sa
paa at hindi mo puwedeng suotin ng matagalan, huwag
mo nang bilhin. Bakit mo pa itutuloy kung alam mong masasaktan ka lamang kapag sinuot mo?

Parang pakikipag-relasyon din iyan eh. May mga
lalake na good on paper, bagay sa iyo, tipo mo nga
eh. Ang kaso, panandalian lang siya. "Boylet" lang
kasi available siya. Bakit mo pa itutuloy kong
alam mong eventually ay masasaktan ka lang? Sana,
habang maaga pa, iwasan mo na.

Lesson learned: Kung sa umpisa pa lang, alam mo na masasaktan ka lamang sa bandang huli, huwag mo nang ituloy. Baka mag-iwan pa iyan ng scar na hindi mo na maaaalis kailanman.

3. The shoes that got away

May nakita akong magandang sandals sa Landmark. Mura lang, less than 500 lang siguro. Kakaiba din siya
kasi hindi siya iyong style na makikita mo sa babaeng katabi mo sa MRT. Black and white siya. Polka dots ang strap niya pero hindi cheap ang dating. Ang kikay nga eh. tapos, two inches iyong heels niya. Sinukat ko minsan, ang ganda sa paa!

Kaya lang, hindi ko siya binili. Kasi, kakaiba siya eh. Mahirap hanapan ng ka-match na damit at bag. Saka kakabili ko lang kasi ng isang sandals kaya sabi ko, next pay day ko na lang bibilhin ang polka dots na sapatos na yun.

Madalas akong dumaan sa Landmark at nakikita ko ang
sapatos na gusto ko bilhin pero hindi ko mabili-bili. Ilang pay day na ang dumaan pero hindi ko pa rin siya kinukuha para iuwi. Hanggang sa dumating ang oras na kailangan ko ng isang kikay na sandals na may print. Naisip ko agad ang polka-dots na matagal ko na gusto bilihin. Pero pagpunta ko sa Landmark, wala na siya doon. Naubos na. Ang ending, napabili ako ng ibang printed na sapatos na hindi ko naman talaga gusto pero wala akong choice kasi kailangan ko na nga.

Lesson learned: Kung magpapaligaya sa atin ang isang bagay, seize the day! Sa kaka-delay, baka mawala lang sa atin ito at mauuwi tayong nagse-settle sa hindi naman talaga natin gusto. Mas mahirap pagsisihan ang mga bagay na hindi mo ginawa. Wala na yatang mas masakit pa sa thought na abot-kamay mo na lang, pero pinalampas mo pa.

;D

[itthy]

Two weeks had passed since Gino and Karen's
wedding. Even though Gino loved Karen, he still
wanted to have a drinking night with his kumpares.

One night, Gino told Karen,

"Honey, babalik kaagad ako..."

"Sweetheart, saan ka pupunta?" asked Karen.

"Sa bar, cutie pie. Iinom lang ako ng beer," said
Gino.

"Gusto mo ng beer, love? Eto..." replied Karen,
while opening their refrigerator to show 25 different
imported beers.

Flustered, Gino said, "Oo, cutie pie, pero doon sa
bar... yung malamig na glass...

" Karen,> with the sweetest voice, cut in, "Gusto
mo ng malamig na glass, sweetheart? Eto..."
Karen opened the freezer and brought out a huge
ice-cold glass.

Paling, Gino said, "Oo nga pero sa bar madaming
masarap na pulutan.."

"Gusto mo ng pulutan sweetheart?" Karen asked,
while opening the oven to reveal all sorts of pulutan.

"Pero cutie pie... sa bar... merong konting biruan,
murahan...." Gino stammered.

Still smilling, Karen said, "Gusto mo ng murahan
sweetheart?

TANG INA MO PALA! EH! ETO, INUMIN MO
TONG PUTANG INANG BEER MO SA MALAMIG
NA BWAKANG INANG BASO NA 'TO , AT KAININ
MO YANG PUKI NG INANG PULUTAN NA 'YAN
DAHIL HINDI KA LALABAS NG BAHAY!
'TANG INANG 'TO!"

[Ellaine]

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

Another plan I have is 'World Peace through Formal Introductions.' The idea is that everyone in the world would be required to meet everyone else in the world, formally, at least once. You'd have to look the person in the eye, shake hands, repeat their name, and try to remember one outstanding physical characteristic. My theory is, if you knew everyone in the world personally, you'd be less inclined to fight them in a war: "Who??? The Malaysians??? Are you kidding??? I know those people!!!"

Every now and again take a good look at something not made with hands - a mountain, a star, the turn of a stream. There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace and, above all, the assurance that you are not alone in this world. ;D

[Ellaine]

[glow=red,2,300]

Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness.
It comes from letting the world tickle your heart,
your raw and beautiful heart.
You are willing to open up,
without resistance or shyness,
and face the world.
You are willing to share your heart with others.


That which God said to the rose,
and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty,
he said to my heart,
and made it a hundred times more beautiful.

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.


God bless the rain, and the storm clouds that bring it.
God bless the music, and the voices that sing it.
God bless the ones who sing everything wrong.
God bless the creatures who do not belong.
God bless the hearts and the souls who are grieving
For those who have left, and for those who are leaving.
God bless each perishing body and mind,
God bless all creatures remaining behind.
God bless the dreamers whose dreams have awoken.
God bless the lovers whose hearts have been broken.
God bless each soul that is tortured and taunted,
God bless all creatures alone and unwanted

[/glow]

[La_Femme]

[glow=red,2,300]mine is gold...how 'bout u?

If your birthday is on ...... Scroll down to find out about your nature ..... [/glow]

December 23rd - January 1st Red
January 2nd - January 11th Orange
January 12th - January 24th Yellow
January 25th - February 3 Pink
February 4th - February 8th Blue
February 9th - February 18th Green
February 19th - February 28th Brown
March1st - Match 10th Aqua
March 11 - March 20th Lime
March 21 st Black
March 22 nd - March 31st Purple
April 1st - April 10th Navy
April 11th - April 20th Silver
April 21st - April 30th White
May 2nd - May 14th Blue
May 15th - May 24th Gold
May 25th - June 3rd Cream
June 4th - June13th Gray
June 14 - June 23rd Maroon
June 24th Gray
June 25 - July 4th Red
July 5th - July 14th Orange
July 15th - July 25 th Yellow
July 26th - August 4 th Pink
August 5th - August 13th Blue
August 14th - August 23rd Green
August 24 - September 2nd Brown
September 3rd - September12th Aqua
September 13th - September 22nd Lime
September 23rd Olive
September 24th - October 3rd Purple
October 4th - October 13th Navy
October 14th - October 23rd Silver
October 24 - November 11th White
November 12th - November 21st Gold
November 22nd - December1st Cream
December 2nd - December11th Gray
December 12th - December 21st Maroon
December 22nd Teal

RED Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love ...and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.

CREAM Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long time.

TEAL You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.

GREY You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and express everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good sense of humor.

GREEN You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.

GOLD You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.

PINK You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.

YELLOW You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic relationship.

MAROON You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.

ORANGE You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.

PURPLE You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for person that's trustworthy.

LIME You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

SILVER You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your love life is normally hard and confusing.

WHITE You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don't react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought highly by others.

OLIVE You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.

BROWN You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.

BLUE You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart.

NAVY You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it's hard for you to forgive them.

AQUA Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily. It's hard to find love for you, and you get lost in love easily. Sometimes you get hurt by love.

BLACK You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.

ORANGE You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.

[venickee]

Dear Son,

Medyo mabagal akong magsulat ngayon dahil alam ko na mabagal kang magbasa.
Nandito na kami sa probinsya para tirahan ang bagong bili na bahay pero hindi ko maibibigay sa iyo ang address dahil dinala ng dating nakatira ang number para daw hindi na sila magpapalit ng address.

Maganda ang lugar na ito at malayo sa Manila.
Dalawang beses lang umulan sa linggong ito, tatlong araw noong una at apat na araw naman nung pangalawa.

Nakakainis lang ang mga paninda dito katulad na nabili kong shampoo dahil ayaw bumula. Nakasulat kasi sa labas ay FOR DRY HAIR kaya hindi ko binabasa ang buhok ko pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay ibabalik ko sa tindahan at magrereklamo ako.

Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa bahay dahil ayaw bumukas ng
padlock. Nakasulat kasi ay YALE, aba eh namalat na ako sa kakasigaw ay hindi pa din bumubukas. Magrereklamo din ako dun sa nagbenta ng bahay, akala nila ay hindi ko alam na SIGAW ang tagalog ng YALE, wise yata ito!

Mayroon nga pala akong nabili dito na magandang Jacket at tiyak na magugustuhan mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo sa DHL, medyo mahal dawdahil mabigat ang mga butones kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinanggal ko na lang ang mga butones at inilagay ko sa mga bulsa. Ikabit mo na lang pagdating diyan.

Nagpadala na din ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo, hindi ko na pinirmahan dahil gusto kong maging anonymous donor.

Ang kapatid mo nga palang si Jude ay may trabaho na dito, mayroon siyang 500 na tao na under sa kanya. Nag-gugupit siya ngayon ng damo sa Memorial park, okey naman ang kita above minimum ang sahod.

Wala na akong masyadong balita. Sumulat ka na lang ng madalas.

Love,
Papa

P.S.
Maglalagay sana ako ng pera kaya lang ay naisara ko na ang envelope. Next time na lang ha.

[venickee]

Kana: F*ck you!
Pinoy: F*ck you too!
(Husband arrives)
Husband: Whatseems to be the problem?
Pinoy: Your wife F*cked me first so I f*cked her too.
===========================================
SPERM and MAYONAISE have a lot in common: First, both are spreadable;
Secondly, both are rich in protein; third, both came from eggs at
syempre... Both are LADY'S CHOICE!!!
===========================================
In a grade 4 class:
Girl: Ma'am, can a 30 year old woman bear a child?
Teacher: Yes
Girl: a 20 year old lady?
Teacher: Yes.
Girl: a 10 year old?
Teacher: No!
boy nudged girl and said, "See I told you not ot worry!"
==========================================
Lottery Winner
A woman comes rushing home, runs into her house, slams the door and
shouts, "Honey, pack your bags, I've won the lottery!".

"Wow! That's great!" he says, "Should I pack for the ocean or the
mountains?"

"I don't care!" she says . . . "Just get the heck out!"
==========================================
Speeding...
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and they have the
following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the
owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned
the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's
a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was
nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?
I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you
told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding, too

==================================================

Ring-Ring,

"Hello?"

"Hi, honey, this is daddy," ... "Is your mommy near the phone?"

"No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank,"

After a brief pause, daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank,
honey!"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy, right now!"

"Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy and Uncle
Frank that daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"Well, I did what you said, daddy."

"And what happened?" he asks.

"Well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the
front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh my God!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he
jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must
have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he
hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."


***long pause***

Then daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 328-9874?"
__________________________________________

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The
chief is going to punish the intruders.

He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death
or Booka?" Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for
booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the chief
then rips the explorers pants off and f*cks him in the ass.

The chief calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or
Booka?" Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe
again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The chief rips the
second guys pants off and f*cks him in the ass.

The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or
Booka?" Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks
death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of
tribesman, so he opts for death.

The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

___________________________

The Escaped Convict

A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE BREAKS
INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED.
HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE
GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND
GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.

WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN
ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN
JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK."

"IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS
YOU. SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS
PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG,
HONEY. I
LOVE YOU"

TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS
WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND
ASKED
IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM. BE STRONG
HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

__________________________________

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped
into
the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim
out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged since you
were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound
mindedness.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after
you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry,
but he's dead."

Edna replied, "Hindi sya nagpakamatay noh! Pinatutuyo ko lang yun!"
________________________________________

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to
get a sperm count.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at
the doctor's office and gave him the Jar, which
was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with
my left hand, but still nothing.



Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her
right hand, then her left, still nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and
she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit
and she even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your
neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we
tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

______________________________________

A sick kid

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Leroy is a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at
school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved
to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he
did.

Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his
behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why
he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps
to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Leroy.

Leroy ! knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and
I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Leroy.

Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started
again.

LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for
my birthday.
Leroy.

Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he wrote
another letter.

LETTER 4:
Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a
good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Leroy.

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a
bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his
mother he wanted to go to church. Leroy's Mother thought her plan had
worked because Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for
dinner,"
his mother said.

Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He
looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the
Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church,
down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door
to
his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Leroy began to
write his letter to God.

LETTER 5:
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed, YOU KNOW WHO.

__________________________________

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad
Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the
relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day,
but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

_____________________________________

A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom
bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you
doing?" She said, "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to
flatten him out." The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid
comes over and blows him back up again!"

______________________________________

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All
of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady
parted her legs the bee entered her girl thingy. The woman started
screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my girl thingy!" The
husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the
situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky
situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would
permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could
use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's girl thingy. The
doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of
my lawit and insert it into your wife's girl thingy. When I feel the
bee getting closer to the tip of my lawit I shall withdraw it and the
bee should hopefully follow my lawit out of your wife's girl thingy.
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes,
Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the
tip of his lawit with honey, inserted it into the young lady's girl
thingy. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think
the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began
shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to
quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor,
concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then
put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud
noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and
shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna
drown the bastard!"

___________________________________________

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes
one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the
window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he
begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do
you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any
abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That's right," says the
doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm
doing now?" he asks. "Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any
lumps of breast cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then
begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

__________________________________________

Bullfight Buffet

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a
nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter
brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats
with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once
again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big
balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.

The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he
goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they
bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"

And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"

_________________________________________

Country Politics

A busload of politicians was driving down a country road, when
suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he
dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local
sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and apsked the old farmer where
all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, they were ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you
know how them crooked politicians lie."

_____________________________________________

a man in mask entered a sperm bank...

man: "this is a hold up!"
girl: "but this is a sperm bank!"
man: "i know, open the vault, now!"

girl did as was told...the man took 5 containers of sperm...then at
gun point said

man: "drink it!"
girl: "what?! are you crazy?!"
man: "just drink it!"

girl did as was told...same thing happened for containers 2 to
5....upon gulping down the last container, the man removed his mask
then said..

man: "see honey, i told you it was easy...."

_______________________________________

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive,
expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife
how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does
look good in the black suit he is already wearing.


The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked
his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the
mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but
please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing".


The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds
her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk
stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician,
"Whatever this cost,



I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.
How much did you spend" ?


To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge" he says.


"No really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue
suit" she says.


"Honestly, ma'am", the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly
after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit.
I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black
suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked
nice...



... So I just switched heads." ;D

[La_Femme]

Hate Letter Against Filipinos







Please take time to read this, most especially the bottom part, PATRICIA EVANGELISTA's (19 year old Filipina) speech that won in a WORLD competition in London.


This is a hate letter coming from a radio talk show host Mr. Art Bell from Nevada. I dont consider myself as patriotic but please read my reply below in BOLD LETTERS and send this to as many of your friends as possible

until it reaches
him.



Subject: HATE LETTER



This is a very disturbing open E-mail letter to all Filipinos around the world; specially here in North America!, from a man who has the power to reach millions of people. (he's a radio talk host)



Please read on..............



This is an open letter email by Art Bell, a radio talk show host in Nevada(more info in the email itself). Here is yet another person who has taken; advantage of his power and privilege to use hateful words and racial stereotypes that breed further ignorance and intolerance in our society.

Art Bell is a talk radio host who has two shows that he broadcasts from his home in Nevada, that is rebroadcast by 400 stations across the country.



He's written 2 books. He lived in Okinawa, Japan for some years and had a radio program on the English station here. And, though it's hard to believe after reading the following letter from him, he actually has been to the
Philippines (he's traveled fairly extensively around the world).



Check out his website listed at the end to get a glimpse at this fool who's spreading this hateful ignorance. And check his wife as well. This letter is so degrading, I think it's really important that everybody read this and not attack him, but respond to him in a civilized manner because otherwise his thoughts will be reaffirmed. Understand that not everyone has a viewpoint like we do, and that this is an opinion of someone who hopefully can be changed only by civil actions.

...............................................



Filipinos.....*make me puke* (Art Bell)

As we've all come to notice, in the past few decades, Filipinos have begun to infest the United States like some sort of disease. Their extensive involvement in the U.S. Armed Forces is proof of the trashy kind of qualities all filipinos tend to exhibit on a regular basis. You can see this clearly by studying the attitudes and cultural Icons of most Filipino Americans.

Origins of Pinoys/Pinays:

Are they really asian? Well we've come to accept the fact the filipinos come from a part of the world known as South East Asia. But the term "Asia" is used in the wrong way. You may notice that contemporary Filipino Americans try very hard to associate themselves with groups that we know as Asian. I cannot count the number of times I have seen a 'Third World' Filipino try to connect themselves to the chinese or Japanese people. There is no connection and here's why. The Philippines is a Third World
country. Nothing respectable has EVER been created by Filipino people during our entire human history. Young filipino men in America have become obsessed with "import racing". They have an enormously perverted affection for Japanese cars. It's a common phenomenon. In their minds, these Filipinos somehow believe that they are asian and that it somehow connects them to Japanese people and japanese cars. They often take credit for the ingenuity of Japanese people and say how it's an "Asian thing". This term..."Asian thing" derived directly from African American slang "black thang". "It's a black thang." "It's an asian thang."

You can see the connection. It's even funnier that, in Japan, Filipinos are heavily discriminated against. The only filipinos that can live successfully in Japan are the filipino prostitutes. But that's the case for most Filipino people no matter where they live in the world. Now we've come down to this fact...and it is a fact.

Nothing in Filipino
Culture can be seen as Asian.

They have no architectural, artistic, or cultural influence which is in ANY way, asian. Thinking of the great countries in Asia such as Japan, Korea, and China there is no way you can possibly connect the Philippine Islands. This assault by filipino americans to connect themselves with the great peoples of North East Asia is foul and disgusting. Try visiting a young filipino's web site too.

You'll see something called the "Asian IRC Ring". It has to do with the chatrooms. The most horrible thing about this is that these TRASHY people are trying to associate themselves with Asia again!! People in Asia don't act like this at all. What we are seeing here is the natural Filipino in its element with full access to technology and this is how they act! You will consistently see this behavior over and over again.

Another interesting thing is that these "thirdworld" people also frequent RC chatrooms such as #chinese #japan and #asian. They
must believe that they are somehow related racially or culturally to North Asians. But it's completely WRONG! There might have been some distant contact With China and even less with Japan during World War II, but these people are actually more closely related to african americans and Mexican americans.

Do the parents of these young filipinos know what's going on? Would they accept this? I believe that they would and do. This is the natural "Trash" element in filipinos manifesting itself. Nothing good has ever come from Philippines and I don't believe anything good ever will.

Recognizing your Roots (A Message to Filipinos). To all filipino people:

Please recognize your ROOTS! You come from the Third World! You country is a disgusting and filthy place. Most people there live in poverty! Your culture has MUCH MORE SPANISH influence than chinese, and absolutely no JAPANESE influence whatsoever. People in Japan and China, do not act like you. They do not constantly talk about sex and they have a MUCH HIGHER level of RESPECT for each other. There is NO WAY that you can connect yourself to Asia other than location.

Your culture and technological advancement does no! t even come CLOSE to What Chinese, people have done in the past and what Japanese and Korean people are doing now! Everything you do is distinctly filipino. You cannot take credit for Japanese cars, video games, or Hentai! It's not an "asian thing" it's an "American thing". You have no concept of culture...no concept of asian ideas or asian philosophy! Can you demonstrate how
you use Confucianism or Taoism in you everyday life?? You can't. And you will NEVER be able to.

I understand that you are trying to create an identity for yourselves as young people... but it is NOT related to Asia. Your Identity is Filipino.

That's all you are. Just Filipino. Think about what that means....



------------------------------------------


I find this funny, he is right in some ways where we, as Filipinos don't actually have an "Identity". I think this is due to the confusion of our mixed races from Hispanic, Chinese, American and Malay
origins. I see it in malls, imagine young generations wearing ski caps and ski goggles in a tropical country, baggy low rise pants like that of African Americans living in the Bronx of New York, not to mention endless whitening products being sold at department stores and drug stores.

But his ignorance also blinds him from the other truth. That while we may glorify Anime shows and Japanese Internet gaming, he is not aware that a nameless Filipino may be responsible for some technical aspects of some Japanese software. He is not aware of our contribution to the the society in general .Technological advancements that may have aided post war navigations and landing on the moon. That the antibiotic Erythromycin was discovered by Dr. Abelardo Aguilar from Iloilo creating the brand "Ilosone".

Thomas Edison may have discovered the electric light bulb and the fluorescent lighting was thought up by Nikola Tesla. But the fluorescent lamp we use today was invented by Agapito
Flores (a Cebuano named Benigno Flores of Bantayan Island, according to the Philippine Daily inquirer), a Filipino scientist. Americans helped then-Philippine leader Ramon Magsaysay to develop it for worldwide commerce. That the personal physician of former U.S. Pres. Bill Clinton is Eleanor "Connie" Concepcion Mariano, a Filipina doctor who was the youngest captain in the US Navy. A Filipino writer Jose Rizal could read and write at age 2, and grew up to speak more than 20 languages, includind Latin, Greek, German, French and Chinese.

Or that a Filipino genius was responsible for the near hiatus in the PENTAGON and White House nearly infiltrationg their closely guarded secrets with the "ILOVEYOU" bug. Nuisance maybe, but still one heck of a 'beautiful mind'...not to be underestimated.

The list goes on and on, but who cares right? Certainly not Mr. Art Bell...Boy, I'm not surprised.

Perhaps Art Bell does not know that although we consider ourselves ASIAN
because we are strategically located in the Southeast asian region of which our nearest neighbors are Malays, ASIA does not mean only Chinese and Japanese race of people. Then maybe it is his connotation that "Asia" meant only our economically successful, paler brothers and he considers Malays such as Thais, Malaysians, Indonesians, and ourselves as a "Third World" race. Then it is "his" ignonimity that would make a civilized person of whatever race puke. Imagine literally connecting Chinese, Koreans and Japanese to the Philippine Islands which is archipelagos away from the countries he has mentioned. I also wonder where he got the impression that we aspire to be Japanese( ) Hispanics maybe but not the Japanese. But even Hispanics today do not mind sharing their "surnames" to their Asian brothers who they have colonized for 3 centuries.

Another sad reality that although most Filipinos working overseas are domestic helpers and prostitutes, who does he think educates the
toddlers of Hong Kong, Singapore, Taiwan and Tokyo? Parents of these countries rarely have time spent with their children, leaving them to their Filipino nannies. And with regard to prostitution. Filipinos are not the only ones working as one. I HARDLY SEE FILIPINOS STARRING IN PORN MOVIES. THERE MIGHT BE A FEW FILIPINOS WE HAVEN'T SEEN , BUT MOST ARE FROM MR. ART BELL'S RACE.

He also mentioned that we have no concept of culture..no concept of asian ideas or asian philosophy. How can we demonstrate Confucianism or Taoism in a Christian nation? IS HE INFORMED THAT THE PHILIPPINES IS THE ONLY PREDOMINANTLY CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC NATION IN ASIA?! YOU HAVE TO USE COMMON SENSE IN A LOT OF THINGS SOMETIMES...

We do not need to create an identity for ourselves. We are who we are. Our identity stems from the anonymity we live in this world. How we contribute silently towards the progress of the world and not just one country. Although the Filipino blood may be tainted with
malice, corruption, poverty and prostitution, it is not a perfect race... But so are the others. Maybe Mr. Art Bell needs to think about this.

WE MAY NOT BE PERFECT MR. BELL BUT AT LEAST WE STILL HAVE VALUES. FOR ONE THING WE DON'T PUT OUR AGING PARENTS IN NURSING HOMES BECAUSE "THEY'RE SIMPLY OLD AND WORTHLESS". WE DONT HAVE AS MUCH NUMBERS OF SINGLE MOTHERS WHO GET PREGNANT IN THEIR VERY EARLY TEENS AND EVENTUALLY BECOME PARASITES OF THE GOVERNMENT FOR YEARS AND YEARS.

YES...WE CAME TO YOUR COUNTRY TO WORK, TO EARN DECENT MONEY (HALF OF WHICH BY THE WAY GOES TO TAXES BECAUSE THERE'S SO MANY SOCIAL PARASITES FROM YOUR RACE).AND BY THE WAY, MOST EDUCATED PEOPLE THAT I WORK WITH DON'T COME FROM YOUR RACE...
THEY'RE ACTUALLY IMMIGRANTS TOO. AND THOSE EDUCATED ONES DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU DO, PERHAPS BECAUSE THEY'VE REALLY BEEN WELL EDUCATED..AFTER ALL THAT'S SAID... WHO IS THE IGNORANT ONCE AGAIN?!

==================================================

[La_Femme]

"I WANT TO BUY A MIRACLE"

Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor's bills and our house. Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no-one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."

Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages", he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle." "I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist. "His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?" "We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.
"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs." The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?" "I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up.
"I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money". "How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.
"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to. "Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents, exact price of a miracle for little brother." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said, "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place. "That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?" Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents ...... plus the faith of a little child.


Excerpted from "I Want This Back...If It Applies"

[La_Femme]

Iraq..........very interesting

Read down to the very bottom, you don't want to miss this!

VERY INTERESTING -

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq , was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq .

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq !

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon, saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq .

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in Iraq !

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia . The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers . The name Iraq means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle, Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?! God Bless you all - Amen !

I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE DELETED This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go.

[La_Femme]

[glow=red,2,300]Performance Review Terms, Part 1

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE:
Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Made no major blunders - yet.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks a lot.

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Spouse drinks, too.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the cops.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.

QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.

CAREFUL THINKER:
Won't make a decision.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.

PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.

FORCEFUL:
Argumentative.

AGGRESSIVE:
Obnoxious.

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
Gets someone else to do it.

A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.[/glow]

[La_Femme]

[glow=red,2,300]John Hopkins regarding cancer:

1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This
information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.

Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer.
Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze
your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from
the plastic.

Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle
Hospital, was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked
about dioxins and how bad they are for us.

He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using
plastic containers. This applies to foods that contain fat. He said that

the combination of fat, high heat, plastics releases dioxin into the
food and ultimately into the cells of the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass or ceramic containers for heating
food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things
as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the

container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't
know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass,
Corning Ware, etc. John Hopkins

He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved
away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the

reasons.

Also, he pointed out that Saran wrap is just as dangerous when placed
over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high

heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap
and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

This is an article I believe you should forward to your family and
friends -- anyone who is important in your life!

Marjorie Ratcliffe[/glow]

[La_Femme]

[glow=red,2,300]Internet Geek?
Here are the top 10 signs you may be an Internet Geek...

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as "my [e-mail]" and refer to your children as "client applications".

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!" [/glow]

[vanessa manunulat]

ewan kung totoo...

Interesting piece of information...
"There was a study done where a control group of 100 people were divided
into two.
50 people watched a very funny, tears-of laughter type movie.
50 watched a very sad and tears of compassion type movie.
At the end of the sessions researchers collected the "happy tears" and the
"sad tears" with eye droppers.
They found that "happy tears" are made up of brine...salt water and not a
great deal else.
However the "sad tears" were found to contain the very same chemicals an d
enzymes that are found in tumours, ulcers and other such lumps and bumps and
sicknesses through out the body.
This test concluded that the body, when crying in sadness etc is literally
flushing out all of the toxic-chemicals that accumulate and are a part of
the sadness /heart ache experience.
Therefore if one holds back those tears, those toxic-waters will find
somewhere else to deposit themselves.....and prolonged
lack-of-crying-release will guarantee that the body will accumulate a huge
amount of internal pollution and toxicity that should have been released
through the tears........is it any wonder that the eyes sting so much when
we hold back our tears?"